1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005
[♪]

2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪

3
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518
♪ love and marriage ♪

4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪

5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪

6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪

7
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ you can't have one ♪

8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,632
♪ without the other ♪

9
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,934
♪ love and marriage ♪

10
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,536
♪ love and marriage ♪

11
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:39,938
♪ it's an institute ♪

12
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ you can't disparage ♪

13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪

14
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪

15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪

16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ it's an illusion ♪

17
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,295
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪

18
00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪

19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪

20
00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:17,608
Man on tv: <i>And I'd like to say</i>
<i>one more time, please,</i>

21
00:01:17,609 --> 00:01:21,112
<i>Please, watch</i>
<i>the late show on fox.</i>

22
00:01:21,113 --> 00:01:22,446
<i>All we want is a chance.</i>

23
00:01:22,447 --> 00:01:25,817
<i>Is that too much to ask for?</i>

24
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:30,088
I'm home!

25
00:01:32,958 --> 00:01:35,860
No, no.
Don't mob me!

26
00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:38,429
I'm just
the breadwinner.

27
00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:39,664
No, don't push.

28
00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:42,567
You'll all get your chance
to hug and kiss me.

29
00:01:42,568 --> 00:01:44,669
Hey, buck.

30
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:48,539
I'm home, buddy.

31
00:01:50,542 --> 00:01:52,476
You shiftless,
thankless bag of--

32
00:01:52,477 --> 00:01:54,813
Go on.
Get off.

33
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,182
Hey, where'd you get these?

34
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,450
We don't keep any food
in the house.

35
00:02:00,419 --> 00:02:04,823
Al, I brought
you some ribs.

36
00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:06,825
I kept them in the bag
so they could soak

37
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,993
In the grease
just like you like them.

38
00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:12,831
Al, you eat
like an animal.

39
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,898
I didn't do this.

40
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:16,101
Oh, you're going
to blame it on buck?

41
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,635
Well, look,
he's not even hungry.

42
00:02:17,636 --> 00:02:19,270
His bowl is still full.

43
00:02:19,271 --> 00:02:20,605
Hey, beef!

44
00:02:20,606 --> 00:02:22,707
Give it here.
It's buck's, al.

45
00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:24,442
Now listen,
you're always complaining

46
00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,745
I don't get you food,
so I got you ribs.

47
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:28,546
Now I want you
to do something for me

48
00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:30,615
You've been promising
for a long time.

49
00:02:30,616 --> 00:02:31,783
What's that you say, peg?

50
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:35,353
I'm sorry, it's just
this darn headache.

51
00:02:35,354 --> 00:02:37,455
Not that.

52
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:41,126
I meant something that would
require movement on your part.

53
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,397
I want you to fix
the back fence.

54
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:49,100
Wait a second, peg,
why should I have to fix it?

55
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:50,168
It wasn't me who said

56
00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:51,669
"let's get a picture
of your mother

57
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,571
Leaning up
against the fence."

58
00:02:55,908 --> 00:02:57,942
It wasn't meant to support
a 200-pound woman

59
00:02:57,943 --> 00:03:01,545
With a keg under
each arm.

60
00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:04,249
It made a nice picture, al.

61
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:07,018
Now, look, the kids are getting
old enough to realize

62
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:09,487
That it is not really
your part-time job

63
00:03:09,488 --> 00:03:12,824
To sit on the couch and test
the weight of beer cans.

64
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:15,660
And now you won't
even fix the fence.

65
00:03:15,661 --> 00:03:17,796
What kind of an example
is that for them?

66
00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,798
Well, if we're
an example to the kids,

67
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:22,400
Bud will grow up and get a job
that will slowly kill him.

68
00:03:22,401 --> 00:03:25,870
And kelly, well she'll
grow up to believe

69
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:29,974
That a two-income family
is a house with two husbands.

70
00:03:31,410 --> 00:03:33,678
Now don't start with that
"I don't do anything crap,"

71
00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:35,280
I take care
of your children.

72
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,714
Mom, where's my socks?

73
00:03:36,715 --> 00:03:40,185
Honey, there's probably
a pair in the hamper.

74
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:45,256
Anyhow, al, that hole
is not only an eyesore,

75
00:03:45,257 --> 00:03:47,125
But, I mean, what about buck?

76
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,427
He could climb through,
and we'd never see him again.

77
00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:51,395
Oh, that's
a real danger, peg.

78
00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:52,430
Watch this.

79
00:03:52,431 --> 00:03:54,365
Buck!
Come here, boy!

80
00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:55,366
Come on, buck!

81
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:56,367
Freedom, boy!

82
00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:59,003
Go!
Go, buck!

83
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:02,841
He's got about as much chance
of finding his way

84
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:06,010
Out of this house
as you do.

85
00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,246
It's not just buck getting out.

86
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,613
Other dogs are getting in.

87
00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:12,350
And they're using our yard
as a public rest room.

88
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:15,086
All right.
All right!

89
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,289
I'll fix it tomorrow.

90
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,124
Thanks, al.

91
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,026
Can I get you
an aspirin?

92
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:23,661
I don't have a headache.

93
00:04:23,662 --> 00:04:25,429
Well, good.

94
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:27,232
Then that brings us
to another little chore

95
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:31,302
Our handyman's
been neglecting.

96
00:04:31,303 --> 00:04:34,672
Oh, gee, you better
bring me three, peg.

97
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:40,411
Ah, I guess I better get rid of
all the dirty work at one time.

98
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,614
I'll do it after
I fix the fence.

99
00:04:43,615 --> 00:04:45,116
Ohh...

100
00:04:47,552 --> 00:04:49,153
It's been two months, al.

101
00:04:49,154 --> 00:04:53,691
When are you gonna
fix the fence?

102
00:04:53,692 --> 00:04:55,559
Tomorrow, peg.

103
00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:00,164
And that other thing
we talked about?

104
00:05:00,165 --> 00:05:02,433
Tomorrow, peg.

105
00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:04,602
We're getting complaints
from the neighbors.

106
00:05:04,603 --> 00:05:06,371
What?

107
00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:12,710
Are we bringing down
the block's average?

108
00:05:14,746 --> 00:05:18,917
We'd bring down the average
at a nursing home.

109
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,452
Look, I'm talking
about the fence.

110
00:05:21,453 --> 00:05:23,788
Remember how you said buck
couldn't find his way out.

111
00:05:23,789 --> 00:05:25,623
Well, he found his way out

112
00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:28,592
And he has knocked up
every dog in the neighborhood.

113
00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:31,195
That's ridiculous, peg.

114
00:05:31,196 --> 00:05:32,997
He's a lifeless lump.

115
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,266
We had two kids.

116
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:40,138
Then my work is done.

117
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:42,273
Well, I'm sure he
didn't learn anything from you,

118
00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:44,042
But they're blaming
us anyway.

119
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:45,776
[doorbell rings]

120
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:48,212
I still can't believe it.

121
00:05:48,213 --> 00:05:49,347
How could that be?

122
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:52,516
He tips over
when he lifts his leg.

123
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:56,254
Mr. Pittman.

124
00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:57,888
My dog's been soiled, bundy.

125
00:05:57,889 --> 00:05:59,357
I demand satisfaction.

126
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:01,892
Me too.
Good luck.

127
00:06:04,229 --> 00:06:06,197
What are you talking about,
pittman?

128
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:09,567
My dog happens to be
a champion, purebred poodle.

129
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:10,969
I was saving her
to be mated

130
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,604
With the well-known
champion zeus of olympus.

131
00:06:13,605 --> 00:06:15,806
But what do I find
this morning when I come down

132
00:06:15,807 --> 00:06:17,575
To give my dog
her eyedrops?

133
00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:19,978
I find that...Beast.

134
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:24,115
With my champion
dowager duchess of kankakee.

135
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:26,184
I had her tested, bundy.

136
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:29,320
She's impregnated.

137
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:35,860
And now she's going to have
stupid, ugly puppies.

138
00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:40,031
I was going to make a lot
of money off a proper mating.

139
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:44,702
That sort of makes you a dog
pimp, doesn't it, pittman?

140
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:46,104
And it also sort
of makes you

141
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:49,374
The defendant in a lawsuit,
doesn't it, bundy?

142
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,643
You're slapping my dog
with a paternity suit?

143
00:06:52,644 --> 00:06:54,979
You must be out
of your mind.

144
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:57,148
Al, you're not going
to believe what just happened.

145
00:06:57,149 --> 00:07:00,684
I just delivered
a litter of 11 puppies.

146
00:07:00,685 --> 00:07:03,921
The mother was under our house
undergoing a difficult labor,

147
00:07:03,922 --> 00:07:06,290
But luckily,
steve took charge.

148
00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:10,928
The puppies are very cute,
but they seem awfully stupid.

149
00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:15,766
The wonder dog strikes again,
eh, bundy?

150
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:16,834
What's going on?

151
00:07:16,835 --> 00:07:20,238
Buck bundy
impregnated my dog.

152
00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:21,506
Ohh...

153
00:07:22,707 --> 00:07:23,908
He's probably
getting out

154
00:07:23,909 --> 00:07:25,309
Through that hole
in the fence, al.

155
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:27,478
You know, as I was
under our house,

156
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,247
Witnessing the miracle
of birth,

157
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:32,383
It occurred to me
this whole despicable episode

158
00:07:32,384 --> 00:07:33,784
Could have been avoided

159
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:36,254
If owners would only have
their pets spayed or neutered.

160
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:38,689
Well, that's an idea, al.

161
00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:40,724
We could spay
or neuter buck.

162
00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:43,961
Not a chance. Look, I'll just
fix the fence, okay?

163
00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:45,596
Oh, I don't think that'll
help much, al.

164
00:07:45,597 --> 00:07:46,897
You know what they say--

165
00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:48,699
How you gonna keep
them down on the farm

166
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:52,603
After they've poked <i>paris?</i>

167
00:07:52,604 --> 00:07:54,905
You'll be hearing
from my lawyer.

168
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:57,375
Oh, now,
mr. Pittman, uh...

169
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:59,310
Look, how about this?

170
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:04,682
If al gets his dog neutered,
will you forget about a lawsuit?

171
00:08:04,683 --> 00:08:07,318
Well, looking around, it doesn't
look like I could get much.

172
00:08:07,319 --> 00:08:11,389
Looks like you've
already been sued by life.

173
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:14,358
All right,
I'll accept those terms.

174
00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:17,495
But, bundy, I don't want
your stupid dog

175
00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:19,564
Around my poodle
ever again.

176
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:20,965
And while we're
on the subject,

177
00:08:20,966 --> 00:08:23,801
Keep your daughter
away from my son.

178
00:08:23,802 --> 00:08:27,805
Well, she was probably
just lending him a dress.

179
00:08:33,044 --> 00:08:35,279
Well, I guess
that goes to show you

180
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,583
What can happen when
you use a little diplomacy.

181
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,118
What a day, huh?

182
00:08:40,119 --> 00:08:41,452
I delivered a litter
of puppies

183
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:43,053
And still had time
to save your bacon.

184
00:08:43,054 --> 00:08:45,923
Brewskies, all around.

185
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:50,328
Well, steve, what can I say,
except I wish you were dead?

186
00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:52,630
That's just al's way of saying

187
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,798
Thanks for saving us
hundreds of dollars

188
00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:57,502
That would've taken
al thousands of years to make.

189
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:58,603
You're welcome.

190
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,506
You're not. And I'm not
neutering my dog!

191
00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:04,208
That's the way god made him,
and that's how he's staying.

192
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:07,411
Al, he's climbing over every dog
in the neighborhood.

193
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:08,712
Why, because pittman says so?

194
00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:10,080
How does he know?

195
00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:14,785
The spells sex 9-7-6.

196
00:09:14,786 --> 00:09:16,454
Now, look,
we all know buck.

197
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:19,423
Remember the time we had to pull
his head out of his water dish

198
00:09:19,424 --> 00:09:22,226
To keep him from drowning?

199
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:23,927
He was only two, honey.

200
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:26,297
Oh, please, the dog
isn't capable of thought,

201
00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:27,898
Much less reproduction.

202
00:09:27,899 --> 00:09:29,600
I don't care what
anybody says,

203
00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:32,236
Buck is innocent
until proven guilty.

204
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:45,183
Dad, the dogs
are in your bedroom.

205
00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:49,187
Well-- do something!

206
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:55,393
♪ when a man loves a woman ♪

207
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:58,496
♪ can't keep his mind
on nothing else... ♪

208
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:03,934
Well, the dogs are gone.

209
00:10:03,935 --> 00:10:08,606
There was a line at the gate
too, but I got rid of them.

210
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:09,807
Where were we?

211
00:10:09,808 --> 00:10:11,942
We were neutering the dog, al.

212
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:14,044
Oh, but honey,
before you take him down,

213
00:10:14,045 --> 00:10:17,147
Could you ask him
for a few pointers?

214
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:21,619
Well, one thing that seems
to work for him was

215
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:22,820
There was no one
lying there

216
00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:25,356
Yelling a bunch
of instructions at him.

217
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,794
Well, you obviously didn't pay
attention to those charts

218
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:33,097
I put up in the bathroom.

219
00:10:33,098 --> 00:10:36,567
Well, I thought that meant,
put the clothes in the hamper.

220
00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:38,936
You been missing
that too, al.

221
00:10:38,937 --> 00:10:40,971
Uh, guys, please.

222
00:10:40,972 --> 00:10:43,507
Uh, look, al, why don't you
just take him down,

223
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:45,109
Get him neutered
and be done with it?

224
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:46,577
Because I'm not
neutering him.

225
00:10:46,578 --> 00:10:48,145
Oh, come on, al.

226
00:10:48,146 --> 00:10:50,514
It is no big thing.

227
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:55,519
Al, you'll really
be doing him a favor.

228
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,222
I read that neutered dogs
live longer, they're calmer,

229
00:10:58,223 --> 00:10:59,457
And they're
more affectionate.

230
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:03,193
Makes them more
affectionate, huh?

231
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,634
He won't even notice
after a while.

232
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:10,801
Believer me, marce,

233
00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:12,603
It's the kind of thing
a guy would notice.

234
00:11:12,604 --> 00:11:13,671
Oh, come on, al.

235
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:16,039
It's a simple,
painless operation.

236
00:11:21,246 --> 00:11:24,882
I bought a male dog
because I wanted a male dog.

237
00:11:24,883 --> 00:11:26,850
He'll still be
a male dog.

238
00:11:26,851 --> 00:11:30,254
No, he won't be a male dog,
he'll be a thing.

239
00:11:30,255 --> 00:11:32,256
Like a...
Like a girl.

240
00:11:32,257 --> 00:11:33,457
Listen, al.

241
00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:34,759
Let's be practical.

242
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,628
Mr. Pittman won't sue
if we have buck neutered.

243
00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:39,764
And if the court
is gonna award anyone

244
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,933
What's left of your money,
it's going to be me.

245
00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:43,967
Here, here!

246
00:11:43,968 --> 00:11:45,235
Come on, peggy,

247
00:11:45,236 --> 00:11:47,405
I'll get you the numbers
of a couple of veterinarians

248
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,273
We met at our animal
rights group.

249
00:11:49,274 --> 00:11:50,541
Oh, and while
you're there.

250
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,476
You've got to see
my new fox jacket.

251
00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:01,051
Well, are you happy now,
dr. Hack-em-off?

252
00:12:01,052 --> 00:12:02,720
Come on, al.

253
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:06,190
Deep down, you know it's
the best thing for him.

254
00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:09,527
You're making this sound
a lot more gruesome than it is.

255
00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:10,661
Oh, really, steve?

256
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:14,332
Why are your legs crossed?

257
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,800
They're not.

258
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,703
You know, I can't believe you're
not with me on this, steve.

259
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:21,572
I mean, you, me,
and buck-- we're guys.

260
00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:23,173
We were put on this
earth to roam,

261
00:12:23,174 --> 00:12:25,876
To conquer...
To rule.

262
00:12:27,011 --> 00:12:29,747
Then we got married,
so it's over for us.

263
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:32,683
But buck--
he's in his prime.

264
00:12:32,684 --> 00:12:34,352
Look at him, steve.

265
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,721
You can't tell me
you're not a little envious.

266
00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:38,756
He's got the life.

267
00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:41,191
A new bitch every night--

268
00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:42,593
Doesn't have to take
them to dinner,

269
00:12:42,594 --> 00:12:44,294
He doesn't have
to dress up,

270
00:12:44,295 --> 00:12:45,929
He doesn't have
to take a bath,

271
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:50,401
And best of all, they're not
there in the morning.

272
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:55,439
Just woof, woof,
thank you, ma'am.

273
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:59,510
Think about it, steve.

274
00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:03,781
Well, I really
don't mind bathing, al.

275
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:08,218
Other than that, he's everything
I've ever wanted to be.

276
00:13:08,219 --> 00:13:09,953
Then be like me, steve.

277
00:13:09,954 --> 00:13:11,455
Live through him.

278
00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:15,259
You saw that little
poodle he was with?

279
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:18,829
How was she?

280
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,899
What am I saying?
This is a dog.

281
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:25,770
Marcie suggested this vet
that's not too far from us.

282
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:28,572
And guess what, al--
she's a woman.

283
00:13:28,573 --> 00:13:33,677
Of course. What does she do,
nag him till they drop off?

284
00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:40,350
Al, there is a stupid,
ugly puppy sale going on

285
00:13:40,351 --> 00:13:43,987
In every house
on the block.

286
00:13:43,988 --> 00:13:45,723
They know it's buck.

287
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,625
Wait a second, peg.

288
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:50,160
So it's all buck's fault, huh?

289
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:52,530
If these neighbors
don't want anymore puppies,

290
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,398
Let them spay
their dogs.

291
00:13:54,399 --> 00:13:57,401
Oh, that is so typically male.

292
00:13:57,402 --> 00:14:00,704
Birth control is always
the woman's responsibility.

293
00:14:00,705 --> 00:14:02,773
They have the babies.

294
00:14:02,774 --> 00:14:05,643
God, you're a pig.

295
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,746
Well, it may surprise you, al,

296
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:10,347
But some feel that
responsibility

297
00:14:10,348 --> 00:14:11,515
Should be shared
equally.

298
00:14:11,516 --> 00:14:12,550
Right, steve?

299
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:13,984
Right, dear.

300
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:16,386
And some men even feel it's
their duty to assume the role

301
00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:17,588
Of family planner.

302
00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:18,923
Right, steve?
Right, dear.

303
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,058
And after we have our
little boy and little girl,

304
00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,093
Steve's gonna have
a vasectomy.

305
00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:24,829
Right, steve?

306
00:14:27,732 --> 00:14:30,067
Steve is going
to have what, dear?

307
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:31,168
You know, steve.

308
00:14:31,169 --> 00:14:32,736
Like buck.
You'll live longer.

309
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,204
You'll be calmer.

310
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,708
Shut up, al.

311
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,242
Uh, dear...

312
00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:41,812
We never talked about
doing anything to, uh,

313
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:43,781
Mr. Mike.

314
00:14:48,386 --> 00:14:50,087
Sure we did, steve.

315
00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:52,857
We said once we had our
two children, we'd stop.

316
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:57,160
I guess I read "stop" a little
differently than you did.

317
00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,797
Just how did you
read it, steve?

318
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:00,831
You're no better
than al.

319
00:15:00,832 --> 00:15:05,936
Now, now, there
is no need for insults.

320
00:15:05,937 --> 00:15:08,939
Look, marcie, all you
have to do is take a pill.

321
00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:10,741
The pill could be
dangerous, steve.

322
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:13,644
So could I, if you try
rewire my plumbing.

323
00:15:16,748 --> 00:15:18,248
This is just great.

324
00:15:18,249 --> 00:15:22,052
Buck's keeping his,
and steve's losing his.

325
00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:25,022
Buck is not
keeping his.

326
00:15:25,023 --> 00:15:27,224
And steve is not
losing his.

327
00:15:27,225 --> 00:15:29,593
Well, we'll see
about that.

328
00:15:29,594 --> 00:15:31,395
Come on, steve,
we'll talk about this at home.

329
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:32,997
I can't believe you,

330
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,598
It's just a simple
little operation.

331
00:15:34,599 --> 00:15:36,500
Yeah, what if there's a slip?

332
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:37,868
What if there's an earthquake?

333
00:15:37,869 --> 00:15:40,671
What if the doctor gets hiccups,
then where will I be, huh?

334
00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:44,008
Standing outside a harem door
in a diaper, that's where.

335
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,277
He'll have it done.

336
00:15:47,278 --> 00:15:49,713
Anyway, honey, I'm gonna
make an appointment for you

337
00:15:49,714 --> 00:15:51,081
And buck tomorrow at 10.

338
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:53,517
Wait a minute, peg, we're
going about this all wrong.

339
00:15:53,518 --> 00:15:55,519
It's not up to you.
It's not up to me.

340
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:56,987
It's bud's dog.

341
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:58,589
Now you tell him we're
neutering his dog,

342
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,691
And let him make
the decision.

343
00:16:00,692 --> 00:16:02,860
Bud, come down here!

344
00:16:06,464 --> 00:16:07,531
What, dad?

345
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:10,333
Honey, is it all right
if we neuter your dog?

346
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,602
Sure.

347
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:19,276
Aw, peg...

348
00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:23,681
Tomorrow at 10, al.

349
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,215
Look at him.

350
00:16:25,216 --> 00:16:28,185
He knows.

351
00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:30,988
I've been looking
at him for three years.

352
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:33,791
He knows nothing.

353
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,359
That's not true, peg.

354
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,829
A hundred she-dogs
can't be wrong.

355
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:41,531
He knows one thing.

356
00:16:41,532 --> 00:16:44,401
Well, I'm going up
to bed.

357
00:16:44,402 --> 00:16:45,803
Oh, and speaking
of that one thing,

358
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,405
You want to come up
and join me?

359
00:16:48,406 --> 00:16:50,474
In a little while, peg.

360
00:16:50,475 --> 00:16:53,043
I want to spend
the last night with my...

361
00:16:53,044 --> 00:16:55,145
Entire dog.

362
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:01,885
There's a woman for you.

363
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:05,489
All day long, it's hack-em-off,
hack-em-off, hack-em-off.

364
00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:07,491
As soon as the sun goes down,
it's "here, boy!",

365
00:17:07,492 --> 00:17:10,160
"here, boy!", "here, boy!"

366
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:17,034
Listen, buck, I tried, huh?

367
00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:18,869
You know I tried.

368
00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:21,371
You understand, huh?

369
00:17:23,407 --> 00:17:24,875
Ahh...

370
00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:31,548
I'm home, everybody!

371
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:33,851
No, thank you.

372
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:37,021
I don't need anything.

373
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:40,958
Buck!

374
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,126
Come here, boy!

375
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,712
Hey, that looks good.

376
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:04,481
Got one for me?

377
00:18:07,485 --> 00:18:10,520
Still mad because I got you
neutered, huh?

378
00:18:10,521 --> 00:18:13,490
What, do you want me
to dance for joy?

379
00:18:13,491 --> 00:18:14,992
Bring your pipe
and slippers,

380
00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:21,498
Roll over so you can rub
my belly and see my shame?

381
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,735
You know,
I thought you were

382
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:25,869
Supposed to be more
affectionate.

383
00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,071
Yeah, right.

384
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:29,873
Why don't you poke my eyes out,
maybe that'd do it.

385
00:18:31,843 --> 00:18:34,011
[dog barking]

386
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:37,647
Yeah?
Not this year, honey.

387
00:18:37,648 --> 00:18:39,783
Aw, come on, buck.

388
00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:42,385
You can't just sit around
feeling sorry for yourself.

389
00:18:42,386 --> 00:18:44,554
Hey, what do you say
we go for a walk.

390
00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:45,956
I hear they painted
the big hydrant

391
00:18:45,957 --> 00:18:47,858
At the end
of the corner.

392
00:18:47,859 --> 00:18:49,026
Nah.

393
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:51,829
A lot of the male dogs
hang out there.

394
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:54,031
All right,
let's clear the air here.

395
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:56,399
This was for
your own good.

396
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,068
Oh, thank you master.

397
00:18:58,069 --> 00:19:00,670
You know, my head is a great
source of pleasure to me too.

398
00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:03,107
How about cutting it off?

399
00:19:03,108 --> 00:19:06,676
Come on, buck. Don't you think
I feel bad enough?

400
00:19:06,677 --> 00:19:07,845
No.

401
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,847
What can I do to make
it up to you?

402
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:12,649
I know, how about
a shiny new collar?

403
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:13,951
Oh, yeah!

404
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:17,755
That's much better
than what I had before.

405
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,457
Gee, how about one
with studs?

406
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,092
You know,
to impress the ladies.

407
00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:25,662
That is, before they find out
I'm a eunuch!

408
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:30,768
Come on, boy.

409
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,436
Keep your hands off me.

410
00:19:33,437 --> 00:19:36,006
Getting a little testy,
aren't you boy?

411
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,541
Grr.

412
00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:42,612
Well, bundy...

413
00:19:42,613 --> 00:19:47,350
I guess you're pretty
darn proud of yourself, huh?

414
00:19:47,351 --> 00:19:49,920
Aw, come on, buck,
I tried to stop this.

415
00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:52,256
You might have
tried a little harder.

416
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,258
I know, why don't
we do something

417
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:55,959
To get your mind
off it.

418
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,295
Hey, you want to watch
the bears game?

419
00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:00,063
Oh, I don't know.

420
00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:02,099
I'm not much
into sports anymore.

421
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:06,603
How about taking me
to a peter allen concert?

422
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:09,306
Oh, what have I done?

423
00:20:09,307 --> 00:20:11,942
Oh, buck, I didn't want
this to happen.

424
00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:13,343
I know you didn't, bundy.

425
00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:17,314
That's what makes it
even harder to swallow.

426
00:20:17,315 --> 00:20:18,682
Ah, what's the difference?

427
00:20:18,683 --> 00:20:20,650
I'm sick of the sight of you.

428
00:20:20,651 --> 00:20:21,852
Where are you going?

429
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:24,855
Oh, I guess I'll go out and...

430
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:29,559
Sniff a few butts
for old times' sake.

431
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:38,735
Hi.

432
00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:43,707
We're insane killers.

433
00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:47,344
Sic 'em, buck!

434
00:20:47,345 --> 00:20:49,412
Heh, heh.

435
00:20:51,282 --> 00:20:53,150
Buck!
Oh, buck!

436
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:54,517
Extra yummies!

437
00:20:54,518 --> 00:20:55,886
Aah!

438
00:21:06,998 --> 00:21:10,533
Well, today's the day.

439
00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:12,602
Do I have to, peg?

440
00:21:12,603 --> 00:21:15,805
Oh, honey, everybody says this
is the best thing for buck.

441
00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:17,407
We've had all the arguments

442
00:21:17,408 --> 00:21:19,943
And there is not one good
reason not to do this.

443
00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:21,644
He knows, peg.

444
00:21:21,645 --> 00:21:24,781
Look how he's
looking at me.

445
00:21:24,782 --> 00:21:27,084
He's looking at me, al,

446
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:30,153
And he's thinking what everybody
who looks at me thinks--

447
00:21:30,154 --> 00:21:32,990
That poor woman.

448
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:34,191
Just take him down.

449
00:21:34,192 --> 00:21:35,993
I'll go get his leash.

450
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:39,897
Buck:
<i>You know what you have to do.</i>

451
00:21:45,937 --> 00:21:49,006
You look real nice today, peg.

452
00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:51,241
Thanks, al.

453
00:21:51,242 --> 00:21:54,912
Want to go upstairs?

454
00:21:56,614 --> 00:21:58,448
For what?

455
00:21:58,449 --> 00:22:02,585
It, peg.

456
00:22:02,586 --> 00:22:04,087
I'm in the mood.

457
00:22:04,088 --> 00:22:05,622
Let's go.

458
00:22:07,992 --> 00:22:10,160
You can always
take buck next weekend.

459
00:22:10,161 --> 00:22:12,963
That is, unless you're...

460
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:15,432
Busy next weekend.

461
00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:17,867
Go on upstairs, peg.
I'll be right up.

462
00:22:17,868 --> 00:22:18,735
Oh...

463
00:22:25,109 --> 00:22:27,444
You owe me big.

464
00:22:42,961 --> 00:22:46,896
[♪]